***
Zero
Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be racist and degrading
I apologise for my impulsive and abusive language
Pls be reminded that I'm a big fat liar
***
Lex
Chenliyuan
Age 16
started living in hell on 27/12/89
Born in China Raised in Singapore Currently in New Zealand
Suffered under the hands of Rulang Primary School and River Valley High School
trying to sneak into Auckland Grammer School
an ass
likes
playing countersrike, red alert.......
basically all kinds of computer games
tennis, basketball, soccer, billiard, bowling
currently learning how to speed
admires
the stars
the clouds
detests
myself
feeling
despondent
grief
regret
afraid of
reality
light
truth
death
yearns for
WORLD PEACE
aliens to attack Earth
health
wealth
love
although none of these can be achieved in my lifetime
my dream is to hav no dreams
happi chinese new yr
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 30/01/06 09:36
boredom
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 24/01/06 22:18
shld i celebrate?
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 23/01/06 09:09
kungfu
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 20/01/06 08:08
a paradise
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 14/01/06 11:33
where r u?papa mama
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 12/01/06 10:09
too bored
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 09/01/06 17:17
new yr resolution
on 3/1/06 that afternoon, i was so sian that i volunteered to babysit my 5yr-old cousin while waiting to watch narnia at the westfield st.lukes mall.it was definitely a tiring n boring job , n i hav to bring him from one gift shop to another n talk him down to prevent him from buying anything. i thought it would be another window shopping experience again n i was wrong.
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 03/01/06 22:00
sian
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 02/01/06 23:34
hope its a better yr
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 31/12/05 10:40
29/12/05
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 30/12/05 22:11
christmas
on christmas eve,my aunt family n i went to queen strt(smthing like orchard) damn crowded, cant even find a place to park.took half an hr just for parking.seriously, i dont understand y women like shopping.its exhausting, n in the end, ur hands will be full of bags n it will be more difficult to walk again. though i spent my 5 hrs there, i didnt bought a thing
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 27/12/05 06:55
jesus christ!!!
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 23/12/05 11:37
wat a christmas
Christmas is coming. decorations r all over the hse.theres a christmas tree, abt 10m high, erected near my strt.when its at night, i can c bright dazzling lights, blinding me of my slp. services r being held in church n schedules of carols r being distributed throughout the country. though there is this atmosphere of celebration everywhere, i cant seem to liven up my spirits.
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 19/12/05 07:11
Rotorua, Taupo, Waitomo Caves
travelled 500km.
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 16/12/05 02:24
dilemma
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 09/12/05 09:24
hell
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 06/12/05 09:09
promise
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 04/12/05 07:15
hello and goodbye
hello hopefully, this blog is going to last for at least a year and will not be blacklisted. after much deliberation, i have decided to have a big makeover of myself. with the setting up of this blog, i hope to change myself, both in n out. presently, im a hairy, ks , bigheaded, fat, anti-social liar with no skills n virtues even though i lack the money to undergo plastic surgery, i believe i can at least cut n comb my hair for my behaviour, i just nd to learn from friendly pple like gabriel n do what they always do with much luck, i think that i can at least engage in a few social activities, including claz outings
HeLl BrOkE lOoSe On 30/11/05 08:15
its the DOG yr!!!
hope everyone will wang wang wang,
finally, i can access my blog, dont know y last time canot.something like photobucket bandwidth exceeded. wat the hell is that?
anyway, though its alr the 2nd day of the new yr, i havent received a single hongbao n i dont expect to do so in the future. there seem to be no such tradition in auckland even though theres a high percentage of chinese citizens.went to a lot of dinners.but never receive a single one.not even from my family.:(
my perception of life has changed after i moved here. after listening to real life stories, i realise how fortunate i am. i cant do things like the way i used to.everything must be planned meticulously bforehand. kind of suck. i hav to be very thickskinned n brave in order to accomplish something. if not, i will just lie in my bed n while my time away. i dont know how but im going to change.thats my new yr resolution.its a bit late but nvm, im going to change my character. regret not realising earlier that i suck totally, both in n out.past 16 yrs has been a waste. im just too pathetic. with this, im going to change my blog layout.heck all the past entries n start afresh. its going to be my last one,i hope.
11am:wake up
breakfast cum lunch cum tv
1pm:com games
3pm:tea cum tv
5pm:com again
6pm:dinner
7pm:com again
12pm:slp
no sports, no friends, absolutely nothing to play with.only to stare at is my cousins. n to think i still gt a mth to suffer.everyday chat n hear tales from friends.make me want to cry.deep agony n jealousy. canot help but to be envious, especially of one, who is now having fun. seriously admire him n hope i can be like that.but its really impossible, so i can only congratulate him for his feat. gd luck n hav fun
really sian. the job at mac is still pending n i dont know when it will work out.hopefully i will get smthing meaningful to do.
god help me
here dont hav neighbourhood police stations or policeman doing their routine checks. the policemen here r welltrained with guns n they all hav cars, waiting just around a bend to catch pple spding. i was lucky not to get caught. heard from my instructor that the kiwis, natives n some millionaires' chinese kids disregard the traffic laws. to them, money is nothing. traffic law is bird-shit. the only law to them is themselves. damn arrogant.
i personally saw a kiwi drive n i was really shocked, n scared too. at least 80km/h on the road where the spd limit is only up to 50km/h. they dont care abt anything. only the other road users gt to suffer. when caught, they r only fined. no deduction of points or watsoever. n they can spd all they want n keep their license.thats y accidents happen all the time n the car mechanics r booming in business.
cant imagine myself getting in a car accident, maybe amputate leg or dead.
though i missed the sunrise, the view is just as magnificent as it can be. i can c the whole of auckland , just by standing on the top of the one tree hill. i can c the city centre, the skyline tower, vast greenlands, and shimmering mountain silhouettes hiding behind the clouds.
really a sight to behold.
nevertheless, its really exhausting to climb up there. normally pple drive there. but being stupid, i decide to jog there n came upon shit. all kinds of shit. there r cow shit, sheep shit bird shit, and maybe sometimes dog shit. amzingly, they dont smell as i think its becos of the lush grass they eat. wat i can only smell is the beautiful scent of the luxuriant grass, definitely a nzl product.they say is like a Great donated this park to the govt n they build a monument for him. some guy called james i think but heck. so after enjoying the haven for half an hour, i embarked on a journey of touring the whole cornwall park. wah, its really big. i jogged for like 1 hr n i havent reached the end.
seeing that its pointless n im alr half dead, i decided to head back n come another day.
during the evening, i also went up the hill again.this time, with my aunt n my 2 cousin n lucky ,dog. wah, the view is truly different. sunrise n sunset r totally 2 different things. one has shades of violet while the other is a boiling orange ball that cant wait to be erupted. truly magnificent. if only theres a lake or an ocean beside it.then it would be like paradise. though its 9pm, a lot of cars still went to the top of the hill cos i think they r going to spend their night there. wah, really very shiok. i cant imagine myself slping under the stars.watching sunrise n sunset simultaneously, as it has just happen. i then realise that the feeling of looking at a sunrise from a photograph is different from the personal experience. thru a copy of the sunset, i wont be able to savour the moment the sunlight fades away.haiz...
anyway, i also did the most terrible thing of my life. i knocked onto a car while parking.luckily its my aunts n only the plate is crooked. if not, i think i dont even hav to get the restricted license. die liao, i think i nd to be careful from now on. my reversing skills r not up to standard yet. dont let me get into trouble again leh.
16yrs of life n the feeling has never been so real as now.PARENTS, the angels blessed to look after us, lock stock and barrel. only 1 mth n 9 days n im alr homesick.helpless n feeble, just like a limping dog crying out to the alley for food.
the state im in is no difference. i need to worry about events that i never even dreamt of. enrolment of schools, job requests, financial state... anything that i can think of. in the past, i only need to take care of my sis n her meals. now, its 2 n 1 is a five yr old n hes a spoilt little brat.everyday, ive to clench my fist n resist from giving him a black eye.his tantrums and shoutings are really annoying. n the problem is i cant really teach him a lesson, cos hes not my brother. my aunt runs an accountancy firm and i do not want to bother her with such mundane stuff. one of these days , i would just kick him in the ass n apologise to his mum, later.
though the education r less stressed here, ive certainly encountered problems that r more difficult to handle. i think im not prepared enough to handle this kind of life. im really addicted to the spoon feeding lifestyle. y did i even rebut my parents when they r working their hearts out just to raise me up? how stupid can i be? even though its a bit late, i would still like to thank them for bringing me up. now, its time to walk down the aisle by myself. i hope i can be like my parents,to hav the courage to face up to challenges n not be beaten.
thank you...papa mama
no one to talk to though, so i wonder y im online.
anyway, my cousin said she making pizza n biscuits today, bought all the necessary ingredients n todays lunch is on hers.
looks like i gt to hav a full breakfast, if not later gt hunger pangs in the afternoon.
did a lot of things last few days,most memorable is driving on the expressway at midnight, with no one beside me n the L plate removed.broke a total of 4 laws.speeding, too late for me to drive cos i can only drive from 7am to 11pm.not a supervised drive.remove the plate unnecsarily.luckily gt no police car, if not, i dont even nd to think of getting a licence.
went to a lot of dinners with my aunt n her friends. realised how pro my aunt is. took gd care of the family n her business singlehandedly.whenever we went, she would sure meet her friends, either her business partners or those whom she helped in the past. excellent model for a businesswoman. everyone trying to partner with her to do business, cos its sure win.
seriously now i gt nothing to do.trying to get my self a job in mac though, maybe then i wont be so free.can also earn some money to buy stuff.living in here is definitely a new experience. i think i gt to change my style n way of life to suit the environment n i hope its fast.
gab said somthing just now n i dont agree,totally.its normal, healthy n common. i seriously hope he can stop mocking at me. i do.
i saw a magnificent crystal unicorn n bought it with credits from my aunt. it cost abt $50 n i think i nd to work for a week or so to amass that wealth.
when it was 545pm , we went to watch narnia.thruout the show, i hav to hush my talkative cousin from talking too loud.we were angrily stared by a man.luckily the show was only 2.5hrs n it ended as fast as it started. i think i can only remember that the evil ones lost n thats it.
on the way home, i suddenly realise that my burdens n responsibilities has multiplied tenfold. things that i do not hav to bear in the past will haunt me now. i will hav to fetch my cousin home everyday after sch. i nd to work n study at the same time. i nd to clean the hse,together with my aunt. sometimes, i even hav to cook when my aunt is late for dinner......
together with my regrets that ive brought to nzl, i actually feel quite helpless n r afraid to face the future. im terrified of making the same mistake again n cause unnecessary sorrow. im afraid i still dont hav the courage to stand up n do wat i preach. life's short n i hope that i can once again survive the pressure n ordeals that lies ahead. this would be my new yr resolution n its also not the first time i made that.
if im in sing now, i shld be on the bus to my designated jc. i shld be getting excited over the prospects of meeting my friends. all my friends n even yx r in sch now. really very sian.
still canot find a better job to cover my expenses. must consider all factors like its pay n hrs so that when i start sch, it wont clash with my curriculum.
ive been driving these few days n im starting to get bored.seriously i gt nothing to do but to wait for 7feb to arrive.
i was so free that i even hav time to think of my christian name.
leo, will, harry, either one of them will be my name i guess.
wah, i think 1 of these days i would just cycle on the road n get knocked down by a car. then i will be busy for at least a mth.
a lot of shocking events happened this yr
left me quite speechless n helpless.
made a lot of wrong decisions too.
now cannot help but to regret.y didnt i hav thought of it earlier? y did or didnt i make the move?just y?
its fate i guess.its just hard life.
i have thought that life would be more soothing when i reached nzl
but it turned out otherwise
startling things abt me n my aunt's family just popped up n i was appalled to hear them.life isnt any easier when u enter another environment.different pple gt different probs.
in my opinion, the richer u r, the more vexed u will feel. complain n pray is all i can do.
i gt no capabilities to solve probs or even to improve the situation.
doing nothing is my style n i hope it will change in 2006. i really hope it will.
anyway, 2005 is not all abt tragedies. i also had a lot of fun , all thks to my beloved friends. gd luck n hope that u will hav a better yr in 2006.just dont end up like me.
went unitec,smthing like a poly, to train driving.damn fun,but after a while,its boring. i must take note of the everything, stop when i hav to.totally different from go-carts n bumper cars.can only reach spd of 50km/h.
yi dian dou bu hao wan
then after a while, i decide to increase the spd even when turning, almost knocked down a rubbish bin. my aunt scolded me for my arrogance. i regretted but still thought that it was fun.if u go fast in a real car, its more exciting than gocart.thats wat i learnt that day.
30/12/05
went snowskiing in snowplanet
first time there. very fun but also very ex.quite thrilling to go down the slopes.more tough than ice-skating.got myself seriously hurt in the process of having fun. both my kneecaps ache n i canot sit up straight without feeling pain in my back.gt a few cuts n bruises here n there.
even though so, i still went to spa that afternoon.thought that it will help to heal my injuries but it turned out to be worse.
then after that still went to the beach to play n saw a few pple canoeing n some hav boats.
thought that maybe after a few yrs, gab can invite me to his cruise.
on the way home, i saw an indoor go-cart stadium n i made up my mind to go there nxt time.
tired....
window shopping again...sigh......
anyway, christmas was better, i went to the driving range to play golf with my smaller cousin
play until my hand gt blisters.2nd time playing golf n i suck. pple whack the ball to 200yards while i can only manage 90.that evening, we went to the cornwell park which is quite near my aunt's hse.its very big n there r even sheeps roaming around freely. i think its abt the size of 10 football fields or even more.the dog outran all of us n we hav to chase it back home.though its tiring, i finally gt a chance to exercise.
the next day, we went to a bicycle shop as i wanted one cos i cant drive yet.wah, here bicycle cost a bomb.the one i rode last time cost abt$2000 when it is brand new.even a mountain bike nds $400 n a 4 wheel one nds $100.after going thru 2 shops, we finally decided to settle on a $300 mountain bike which is a bargain.but then i will hav to ride it home n the i still havent been able to change the gear then.wah, the trip home was siao.i rode on the road behind my aunts car in my lowest gear. there were 2 hill slopes n i almost fainted when i gt home.seriously crazy. previously i thought i could cycle to sch so as to save transport fees.here 1 bus fare cost $7, cos pple seldom take public transport.now, i think i just nd to pia all the way to sch. the only gd thing is that i did not sweat during my home way.though its burning inferno, there r a lot of winds n the temperature still stays abt 20degree.hope i'll able to lose weight with this bike
today is the most daring day of my life.
my aunt family went to a theme park in auckland n i was tricked by my mischevious cousin. the nxt sec, i was in a roller coaster train, up n down in the sky. i dont know y i got up there n i dont know how i got tricked. the only thing i know is im there.stucked.no way to go except to ride the damn thing.
dingdingding, i began to fall. everything was happening so fast. only one thing was on my mind-if i hav to die, i will die a happy ghost.i will be happy that i died cos ive too much troubles in reality. thats the only thought that come to me.nothing else. fortunately or maybe unfortunately, i live to tell the tale. after the ride, i was seriously delighted that im on my feet n i was in control of my motion again!!!
following on is a series of rides which i rode with my smaller cousin. they include the bumper car which we rode 10times(my leg still aching) and the family cart, which could go up to a spd of 50km/hr. we rode this for 4 times.n also the bumper boat when we were drenched.
the rest r all very boring like the gold rush, which is also sort of a roller coaster, and the water slide.
then we went to our grandparents hse(this is the main part of the story).
upon arriving there, i was shocked to know that i hav to accompany my granny to a church gathering, somehow like a mini concert. at first, i thought it was just a normal session where they all sit down there n pray. moreover, i thought it would be more english n most probably caucasions will occupy the most seats as they like jesus a lot.
then when i reached there, i found that i was wrong. most of the devotes r chinese who came from china n shanghai.the nxt horrible thing is that it is a recruiting session where newcomers get to enjoy the fortune of be blessed by the god.oh my god.i was utterly stunned.
since my granny really believe in christianity and is a respected figure amg the crowd, i gt no choice but to sit thru the whole 'concert'
there r skits which they organise to show us glimpse of reality.there r also community singing n everything is in chinese. i saw only 2 angmohs there,by the way.
the whole church were packed n most of them were alr christians.no, this is a wrong word. they were fanatics. seriously out of their mind. during community singing, they danced, jumped, screamed, doing everything they can.then suddenly, they look solemn when its serious. then out of the blue. they screamed AMEN.(their pronuaciation is AHMEN.)god bless these fellows. im very convinced that they r worse than soccer fans. if anyone of them sees this entry, im dead.
anyway, TO ME, the whole session is total indoctrination, just like wat stalin n hitler did to the young. this is no different. i really wonder y pple still believe that there r gods n jesus. TO ME, they r imaginary figures that only give pple temporary comfort. seriously. arguments abt the mdm somthing in the dan brown bk has really stirred an outcry amg the followers n i think its meaningless. i think i might be too overwhelmed when i wrote this entry, so pls forgive me. its my first time to a recuiting session too.
the skit they played teaches us to be self satisfied. so what if u pass with flying colors? wat happens after that?wat would u do nxt?wat will happen if u gt a job or get married?then?we r like scaling a mountain. when we reached a cliff, we want to move further top.but wat lies ahead eventually is only a heap of soil n nothing else. u can even sacrifice ur life in the midst of climbing.is it worth it?the final ans to the 'then?' is christianity.god gives us all.they gives us food.they r the creators of mankind. without god, theres no us. so we must continue to receive blessing from him. so we must be CHRISTIANS. we r worth nothing but only 10 us dollars,according to a stupid professor. wats more valuable is the soul within us, that is given by the god, so we must learn the cherish it n nurture it. we must believe in our creator!!!
GOD!!!
this is basically wat they r trying to force into our mind the whole time, n ive been laughing to myself the whole time.instead of listening, i tried to debate the idea of believing in god. did god help thomas edison to create light bulb? i dont think so. if we r not greedy, we wont be having fork n spoons on our dining table. instead, we will be naked on the wild chasing rabbits eating them alive.do we believe in jesus then? i think the only thing on our mind then is food shelter n defence.nothing more.
anyway, i havent able to upload the photos onto my site, still gt to wait for a few more days.paiseh,hope im still safe after this entry
gt a funny quiz from gab
url is:http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
go try it
u can humor urself.maybe its true maybe its not.for me its definitely not
i just gt the 'best' christmas present that i can ever get: my younger cousin topped for her sch n i think my parents expect me to do the same, as the syllabus is easier. with that, the pressure within myself has just escalated to another level,on the verge of exploding. i think it will be sooner that i expect it to be. extraodinary things just popped up out of the blue n thats life.
ive being playing monopoly n battleship with qianwei others n i hav yet to won a game. its fate afterall, ive no one to blame ,but myself. that's how life is.
here, the internet connection spd is getting from bad to worse. it sucks totally.though it writes 56Mbps on the server, it is only for surfing the net. the other 128kbs is for dling.
however, thats all lies. whenever i start to dl stuff, i cant go msn chat or even surf the net.moreover, the wireless network is shared between 3 pple: the tenant who also come from china, my aunt n me.being a pirate, i cant satisfy thirst for dls, now that i hav started on anime. i think i just hav to wake up every night to dl the gundam series.
other than just sulking, i notice that 70% of my neighbours r chinese n most of them come from china, shanghai. whenever i sat by my table , i could c a elderly couple sitting on the balcony. one of them would be swatting flies, while the other will be below tending to his garden. day n day, they never fail to do so. i just cant help to wonder if i will do the same when i retire.
now i can only watch the korean show:da chang jing to while time away.
this is definitely the worst christmas i ever had
average spd:120km/hr
lucky to c a rainbow on the way
first stop: waitomo caves
saw the glowworms n lots of rock features, like the stalactites n stalagmites
feel quite impressed but quite boring
not much fun.
3 stars
2nd stop: Rotorua
played a lot n took a lot of pic
went to play the luge(world's first)
4 stars
sat on a 'duck', amphibious vehicle, tour round the 3 lakes
3 stars
went to a lot of parks, situated near the volcanoes. Eg. Orakei Korako,Wai-O-Tapu,Waimangu Volcanic Valley etc.
scenery damn nice.
also sucked in a lot of sulphur, now suffering from headaches.
3rd stop: Taupo
went to do huka jet, go cart n the quad bikes.damn fun
5 stars
also went to c the geyser found that it has to ignited with soap
cheated
3 stars
saw a stick insect, nearly stepped on it
noticed a lot of trends though.
pple here r lazy.
even the animals r too lazy too move.
saw a lot of rats n birds knocked down by cars. pity them
theres no pic of myself or any pple cos i think its an insult to nature to add abnormal animals there.
P.S to boys, there r 2 type of girls here, i think.
1 is big sized, another is normal.
PERSONALLY, i think the larger ones married or r attached.so u can forget abt finding chiobus here.
anyway, i hope that u can all come n play.
though some pple like gab will prefer places like dubai, with personal jets n boats.
here, u can rent a 6 seater sedan or a cavaran.then u can go around the country. no nd to live in hotels.
just in the cars.park near the beach, watch sunset n the stars. then wait for sun rise n go another destinations.
theres a lot of pple doing that.damn fun n cheap.u can visit a lot of places n hav a great time with min amt of money spent.theres also a lot of adventure park here.
cycle lanes r available even in xpressway
so weekiat u can come here n cycle from day to night for mths n u will not reach the end
:)
:(
today went to my grandparents hse again to do gardening
overheard a lot of stuff that left me restless the whole day
its being a long time since im being bothered by somthing
as the days go by, my burdens seem to be growing
the sorrow in my heart r venturing, eventually engulfing the whole of it.
financial, physical, psychological problems
everything single of it seems endless
neither of them can be resolved.
im really troubled.
did i choose the wrong path right at the beginning?
y do i hav to bear the burdens of an adult.
help!!!
i really nd a refresher.
its only less than a week n feel that im going to die soon
sian
worse than sing.
for 1 sec, it is shining n the other it is raining cats n dogs.
roads were flooded n it was close to a thunderstorm.
within secs, the rain subside n the sun was smiling again. wat the hell was that?
complaints abt gang fight in school was commonplace. teachers hav given up of stopping these mafia conflicts n only the strongest will survive.
this is really the survival of the fittest.
just listening to these rumors make me tremble.
wat am i going to do when i gt into the sch.
maybe i will get a few punches on the first day n be hospitalised for the rest of the year-fanciful thought though
their kicks are real, much more forceful than the one i received in sing.
its hell
im going to hell
its worse than heaven
help!!!im dying!!!
its a miracle that ive survived the flight without puking.
this is the worst flight i hav ever taken
in my 15yrs of life, this must hav to be the worst moments.
clinging onto my seat, i tried not to make a mess of myself.
the turbulence in another flight to china was so bad that my sis puked for 4 consecutive times.
upon landing, i was so exhausted that i stayed on the plane till the attendants chase me out. both the uneasiness of the flight and the non-stop movie watching for 9 hrs hav left me breathless.
im already starting to regret boarding the plane.
only when i was in my aunts car when i realised that i will be separated from my friends for 2 yrs
2 YRS in a foreign country with more cows than humans!!!
i cant believe im actually going to do it.
i will remember the promise i made to my friends.
i will fulfil the pact with gab to go on a holiday around the world, that is if he is still a bachelor after 10 yrs time.
i will work under the H.T.C (Haoting Company) when it has been set up.
i will welcome with open hands all friends who come here n play.
i will provide accommodation n scenic spots for u to enjoy.
i will try my best to visit my friends in the near future.
even though it is 8.09pm now, it's no diff to 4pm in sing.
the tranquility n the cool air r really captivating n i enjoy it very much.
even though it is only the first day, i think im going to enjoy my long break n hopefully, i can share this with my friends
P.Si cannot go msn as the coms msn is outdated.nd to dl which will take up a lot of time
this is my third attempt at blogging and i hope that it is going to be a success.
now, i would like to thank a few pple for helping me setting up my blog.
these pple are gabriel and songhua.
thank you n gdbye
Ancient Memories
